The best watch memes of the week
Luke BenedictusAs the watch world becomes ever more hyperactive on social media, every week dozens of horological memes proliferate across the various channels. The beauty of this medium is that they invariably come from sources that are independent, honest and feisty as hell. In other words, these memes are well worth a look. That’s why we’ve decided to start revisiting the best memes that have enlivened our weekly feeds and unpack why they made us smile or shudder.
Lies, damn lies and vintage watches
There’s an old saying if you want to know what a journalist looked like six years ago, just take a look at their picture by-line. We put our best faces forward, in other words, even if the results bear scant resemblance to the actual truth. The vintage watch world is even worse in this regard because not only does it often present watches from the most flattering angles imaginable, it also has an entire language devoted to self-serving euphemisms. A watch dial faded by sun damage is knowingly described as “tropical”. Old diving watches are hailed if they have “ghost” bezels (translation: heavily discoloured). Dial patina makes a watch more “collectable”, despite being a sign of decay. Given all this verbal chicanery, go into any sale of a pre-owned watch with your eyes wide open. This meme from @watchumor is a reminder that “vintage” is just another word for “old”.
That woman you have a crush on doesn’t care about your watch
This one from @watch.memes reminds me of a brilliant post that Sandra Lane once penned for T+T. She explained: “When I talk with other women about watch collecting, the most common reaction runs along the lines of, ‘Oh, that’s just a sad guy thing’ or ‘I totally don’t get why my husband bought such an expensive one/has to own so many/is so geeky about them …’ Or even, ‘Ha! Boys’ toys – you know what they’re a substitute for …’
“So yeah, a luxury watch is really just a much more portable version of a muscle car or a mid-life Harley-Davidson. Compensation. For something. Sure, it’s also ‘a reward for all those years of hard work’. But, in truth, that watch/car/bike is a grown-up security blanket. And, as Linus knows, it’s hard for a guy to live without one.”
Sure, that might be a harsh truth-bomb to stomach. But it’s worth processing rather than blowing your life savings on the delusion that your watch might help get you laid.
Layered meanings
Adrien Brody took the notion of a multi-layered character to a new level in the last series of Succession. Appearing as a billionaire investor, his character was memorably clothed in half a dozen layers and a beanie on a sunny day. Speaking on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, Brody explained his multi-item get-up was meant to convey how top business moguls approach their deals ‘like a game of chess”, having anticipated every possibility. Those layers. he suggested, imply his character’s resourceful nature and “preparedness for the elements”.
A lot of luxury sports watches are similarly prepared for the elements and built to handle far more adventure that most of us will ever dream of subjecting them to. In decades past, these watches weren’t just wrist-bound status symbols, they were vital safety tools. The Rolex Explorer II (superimposed in this meme), for example, was specifically designed for speleologists and pot-holers. How many of these watches, you wonder, were ever put to that purpose?
Brodinkee’s post highlights the yawning gulf between a watch’s technical abilities and its actual half-arsed fate. And it feels particularly relevant coming just after Rolex released a watch that’s water-resistant to 12,000m (fyi: the world record depth for scuba diving is 332m). As this meme points out, there’s a sizeable gap between reality and design intent.