Microbrand dealbreakers: Don’t make these mistakes when launching your new watch

D.C. Hannay

Some microbrands just get it. Their designs are elegant, their execution flawless, their carefully chosen components top-notch, and their customer experience first-rate. But for every Baltic, Brew, or Boldr, there are scads of ill-conceived releases that, for one reason or another, can cause my eye to twitch uncontrollably. A handset that’s all wrong. An off-putting dial font. Weird dimensions. Sub-par quality control. A completely botched launch. Any (or all) of these can sound the death knell for a new release.

Now, I love microbrands. The micro movement is one of the best things to happen to this sometimes-staid watch industry, bringing great design, killer specs, and the satisfaction of wearing something that’s a little off the well-trod highway of mainstream brands, but that road is littered with the wreckage of epic fails. And not-so-epic ones. In fact, an otherwise great watch can be totally ruined for me just by getting one small detail wrong. This rant is admittedly a bit tongue-in-cheek, but some of these little tragedies really do trigger the sad trombone sound effect in my mind. Without naming names, here are some of my absolute, non-negotiable deal-killers if you want to sell me your microbrand. Some watches get so close, but then blow it with a practical or aesthetic gaffe that reminds me of coriander: it ruins everything. Design choices and marketing tactics matter in this ultra-competitive field, so do your homework and get it right before that Kickstarter goes live.

Disrupting the industry

Right off the bat, whatever you do, don’t kick things off by “disrupting the industry” and/or “cutting out the middleman”. We’ve all heard every variant of this hype before. Many have tried, and many have died. How about “cutting out the microbrand cliches?”. Because if this is the best you can come up with, that red flag will send me racing outta there faster than a jet-fuelled funny car. Denied.

Overpromising and underdelivering

Ridiculously extended lead times are another peeve. If you’re throwing up renders on Kickstarter just to gauge interest in your possibly sad-looking watch, it’s already game over in my mind. Don’t make promises you can’t deliver on. Because in this present-day world of supply-chain issues, lead times suffer, and that’s not including the inevitable delays that occur. If you don’t already have your ducks in a row, I will not be joining your row of potential customers.

Design don’ts

Don’t come at us with a design that’s too derivative. Look, I understand that we’re not going to reinvent the wheel with every new release. But I’d love it if you took a little time, ingenuity, and consideration for what’s already out there when trying to establish your watch’s design language. You and 9,000 other brands (including some well-established mainstream players) appreciate the timeless design of the 6538 Sub. Congrats. Good luck with that.

Off-the-rack

Which leads us to the laziness of going straight for the parts bin, with no thought whatsoever. Come on, Mercedes hands? Knockoff Rolex Maxi Case? Really? Sigh. There’s an endless river of mediocre designs running through the hobby, with new brands using the same dials, indices, cases, and bracelets as everyone else, flowing into a sea of disappointment. Distinguish yourself before you extinguish your stillborn brand.

Font follies

Many an attractive design has been torched by the wrong choice in the dial font department. Script may equate to “classy” for you, but to me it says “I didn’t care enough to think this through”. Now, there are some classic examples, such as Breguet’s elegant script logo, but these are few and far between. You may as well go with Comic Sans. If you can’t (or won’t) trouble yourself to design something distinctively attractive, pay someone who will, or at least use a clean font that doesn’t jump out like a toad on hot asphalt. And when it comes to dial text, err on the side of restraint, because sometimes more is more, and that’s probably too much.

Start making sense

In what world is a 50m diver a thing? Forget desk diver, that’s barely a hand-washer. It’s but one of many head-scratchers that make no sense in the realm of microbrands. Would you put cathedral hands and an onion crown on a German-inspired minimalist timepiece? A poorly placed date window? They may seem like small details, but for me, they’re dealbreakers. What about a dive watch without a lumed bezel pip? And who puts a 24 hour bezel on a three-hander? Well, if you would, your chances of success in prying my wallet open have now slipped beneath measurable results.

Cheaping out

Say you’ve got a great watch, why stop short of the finish line with a crap bracelet? Poorly finished links, a pressed clasp, or pins and collars are all hallmarks of a brand that just doesn’t care. Since we’re talking about bracelets, here’s another annoying “feature”. Odd lug widths, or worse, a proprietary bracelet or strap (especially when they’re mediocre to begin with) that you’re stuck with. I can sometimes deal with a 19mm lug width if the watch is spectacular and the proportions demand an in-between size, but if you’ve got some derpy integrated scheme going on, it’s a non-starter.

And while we’re at it, if you’re going to advertise your watch as having lume, make sure it stays legible for more than 5 minutes. Quit pinching pennies. The same goes for a sub-par movement. Come on, people, the competition is fierce. Show you sweat the details, and that it isn’t just a cynical attempt at a cash grab.

Spinning yarns

Don’t make up some BS history about your brand. You don’t have any. Your storied atelier is your spare bedroom, and your workshop is a card table, a light box, and your laptop. If there’s a good story, tell it, but by God, don’t make up some long-winded nonsense that I have to scroll through for 10 minutes before I actually see the damn watch. Don’t be like the food blogger telling me about their love for grass-fed ghee, along with a charming anecdote about how their local co-op didn’t carry it for the longest time. Just give me the curry recipe already.

Service with a smile

Now let’s talk customer service. If you don’t have the capacity to fix a problem with an order, believe me, word spreads fast. Hell hath no fury like a watch nerd scorned, and they will whine endlessly to anyone who’ll listen. Be prepared to over-deliver in the event of an issue, and if you still can’t resolve someone’s gripe, just suck it up and take the watch back and issue a refund. We know that some customers can be completely unreasonable, and will never be satisfied with any response you offer. But trust me on this one: sometimes you just need to quietly break up with a customer like that, and bite the bullet in order for them to go away. It’ll cost less in the long run. They’ll still probably trash you in the forums, but if the overwhelming majority of your customers have a positive experience, that word will spread, too. So do yourself a favour, and get your act together before you push the button on that campaign.

Thanks for listening. Now I’m off to see what’s shakin’ on the ol’ KS.