OPINION: These are the watch terms that drive me nuts…
Dan KaufmanI’ve never understood the term “tool watch”. After all, you don’t hear people talking about tool cars or tool computers – because “tool” is redundant. Anything used to do something is a tool, and last I checked, even a dress watch tells the time. If you want to refer to a dive watch, then call it a damn dive watch.
It’s as if people are ashamed of having a hobby that, let’s face it, is largely about fashion: and so we have to hide it behind a veneer of fake masculinity. You’re not wearing an expensive luxury watch that you coveted after seeing on Instagram. Oh no. You’re wearing a “tool watch”.
The same goes for “daily beater”. I don’t care if you’re wearing a Casio or a Rolex – no watch you wear should be called a daily beater. Aside from the masturbatory connotations (ok, maybe that’s just me), most of us just don’t abuse our watches to the point where that term makes sense. If you want to refer to the watch you wear every day, then just say “my daily watch”.
Don’t refer to your watch as a bad boy: no, it’s a watch. Calling it a bad boy just means you’re desperately trying to sound more macho than you are.
Another odd term is “in the metal”. I realise this sounds far tougher to the average 12-year-old than saying you’re going to a fancy boutique where the air is scented and sales staff will offer you sparkling water while you gingerly try on a watch, but to me it sounds ridiculous.
By this stage I’ve probably insulted almost every watch lover out there, which might explain why I have no friends. So, with nothing to lose, let’s continue.
If a new watch is released, don’t say it’s been “dropped”. Say it’s been “released”, since you are probably not a hip hop gangster from 2003.
I should be gentle with the term “watch idiot savant (WIS)” since it’s used (hopefully) in a self-deprecatory way: but if you want to say watch nerd, then just say watch nerd.
“Desk diver” was funny when I first heard it. Now it’s just annoying (especially when used for non-dive watches). And that’s the problem with most inside terms: they’re clever when used once, and grating when heard for the thousandth time.
About the only excuse for using jargon is if it can say something in less words – which is why “safe queen” isn’t as objectionable to me because it is a far simpler way of saying “I leave my watch in a safe and don’t wear it because I am freaked out it will get scratched or I will get mugged, but even though this is a travesty and a waste of a good watch, maybe it’ll appreciate in value and I can then sell it to buy my wife a diamond necklace that will also be kept in a safe and never be worn”. But I would still never, ever, say it. Ever.
And now, with all that off my chest, I’m going to strap on my big boy and do some desk diving.