Cheap Bastard: The Undone Urban 34 Killy Black Rose is a $300 tangerine dream

Time+Tide

Unlike my erudite and learned colleagues on this website, those who have read this column in the past will know my horological lusts aren’t governed by the usual parameters.  Which is my way of saying that a bargain is where I’m at. To paraphrase the great Billy Connolly: “My dad was so tight he’d wake up in the middle of the night to see if he’d lost any sleep.” Me and the Big Yin’s father would have got on famously.

This timepiece will set you back a smidge under $300. A big tick from me.

Still on the subject of tightness, I have long coveted the Apple Watch collaboration with Hermes but baulked at the price tag. Aside from a charming frugality – well that’s what my wife says – I am also exceedingly shallow and what drew me most here was the Double Tour leather wrap strap in the brand’s iconic orange.

The fact that Undone offered a similar aesthetic at a fraction of the dollars is what initially hooked the eye. The model is classified by the manufacturer as a women’s variety but as with so much else in fashion and society, such strict gender lines are beginning to blur. My take is that it’s utterly androgynous. Especially given the dimensions.

From lug to lug, it measures 40.7mm tall with a 34mm width and 11.1mm thickness. It’s not massive but it’s also not compensating for the wearer’s self-perceived deficiencies. You know what we’re saying.

The face itself is a rather pretty one with a cream background approximating patination, handsome Arabic numerals, a bright red second hand. Look closer and you’ll see a subtle series of blue figures around the outside of the dial. These are a historical nod to the 1920s pulsometer watches; a scale that allowed doctors and nurses to measure a patient’s pulse.

And yet for all these features, the face feels as crowded as Bali beach during COVID. Which is to say, not at all.

The movement is a Seiko VH61 quartz number powering a second hand, a date and 24 hour display – the last two smartly sitting at six and 12 o’clock respectively. See what I’m saying about value?

Material-wise, the case is made of stainless steel, the dome is hardened K1 crystal and the whole shebang is water resistant to 30 metres with a 12-month warranty.

Asking price aside, what elevates this brand in general and this piece in particular are the five layers of customisation options.

The dial, for example, is available in the aforementioned cream or a jet black. For an extra $22 you can add your initials or whatever eight characters you’d like embossed or they’ll throw in a minimalist star sign graphic if you’re astrologically inclined. I passed on both but now regret not having the words “fuck yeah!” on my watch. Anyhoo, there are myriad options as to the colouring and positioning of these characters. The case itself comes in either a sterling silver or rose gold hue and of course there are four strap options in the wraparound.

Props also given to the neat case in which it arrives which bears the date your specific watch was put together. It is just another element in a timepiece punching way, way, way above its weight. Fuck yeah