Editor’s Note: And the top story of 2016 is…*drumroll*… Fakewatchbusta’s guest post on whether it’s ever acceptable to wear a knock-off timepiece. This story, written by the Batman of watch busting was ‘Yuuuge’, to borrow from the lexicon of President-elect Trump. It’s full of drama, sass and humour. Kind of like Downton Abbey. Fun fact: it’s inspired – like so many of the best things in life – by Robert Downey Jr.
I am the person behind the @fakewatchbusta account on Instagram and I was kind of shocked when I got the assignment of writing on this topic. It’s like asking Superman if it’s OK to bring kryptonite to the party. Anyways, I’ll approach this as seriously as I can….
ARGUMENT #1 – “I wear fake watches when I travel in case I get robbed”
In the words of penny stockbroker Timothy Sykes: “Rich people wear fakes as backups, especially in third world countries… but poor people don’t get that.” The argument here is that he might get robbed? Do you think a potential robber will study the font alignment and hand stack of your Rolex GMT-Master II to check if it’s genuine before he robs you? A proper insurance policy trumps this argument anyway. It’s not OK to use a fake watch for travel backup in my opinion. You could buy a cheaper watch for travel purposes, he could leave the watch at home or use an insurance company as suggested.
ARGUMENT #2 – “I want the look but I don’t want to pay the premium”
It’s still possible to buy a nice watch and still be at a low price point. Everything from a Seiko SKX007 to higher-end, high-value watches like a Tudor Black Bay or a Longines Legend Diver are viable options here. Let’s move on.
ARGUMENT #3 – “I want to get laid”
Learn a couple of jokes. Wearing no watch is the new Patek on Wall Street anyway. Just ask my buddy @fremstar on Instagram.
ARGUMENT #4 – “I’m young and bought it because I don’t know any better”
Yes, it’s OK, just don’t get angry when the followers from that dude @Rolex_Enforcer hits your page with 1000 comments saying your shadow is fake. And then that your air is fake and your bed sheets are fake.
I’m running out of potential reasons for wearing fake watches here and I still have 200 words to go. No wonder I have problems completing interview requests.
OK, let’s talk about fake watches. I will cut and paste this thing I wrote a long time ago: All the research I’ve done comes down to terrible working conditions, use of hazardous materials and child labor. I mean this happens in legitimate production also, but remember that the replica industry (including fake bags, watches, sunglasses, etc) is a major global economical player without any form of regulation at all. At the prices they sell this for it’s not possible to make these watches in an ethical way and the working conditions must be some of the worst there is. Just buy a goddamn Seiko.
Damn, still 70 words to go.
DON’T WEAR FAKE WATCHES OR YOU WILL GET BUSTED
No, that sounded lame.
You probably won’t unless you post it on Instagram and hashtag #RollieBoys and #Billionaire while sitting in your Toyota Camry. By the way, a Toyota Camry is a good car if you wear a genuine watch.
Ok, let’s find another argument: “I own the real watch but I keep it in my safe so I bought this replica to not get scratches on my genuine piece.”